Valentine’s Every Day
I don’t really understand why we only celebrate Valentine’s Day once a year. Perhaps my ambivalence of this single day expression of love began during my grade school years. For the annual valentine card exchange, I hoped that whatever boy that I liked that year, would show me that his feeling was mutual. As I recall, there were different strategies for selecting who was on your official valentine’s card list, but most kids, including me, gave cards to everyone in our class. I still remember hoping and praying that I would receive a very special valentine from the boy that I particularly liked. I recall comparing cards to see if mine had the bigger cupid and whether the boy printed or signed mine differently. Unfortunately, I usually left school disappointed, still wondering and asking the question, does he or doesn’t he really like me?
By High School, valentine’s cards and gifts were exchanged only between boyfriends or girlfriends. Junior high school were empty years for me; no boyfriend equated to receiving no valentine. In fact, I think one guy broke up with me just before valentine’s day. Thank goodness there wasn’t social media during my high school years. I can’t imagine being bombarded with Instagram photos of friends’ extravagant gifts, and then judging who received the most lavish gifts, so therefore must be the most admired. My peer group considered a heart necklace as the ultimate gift to be bestowed, and the best prediction of abiding and everlasting love. But was it?
During those early High School years without a significant other, I decided that I would buy my own box of chocolates and spend valentine’s day watching my favourite romcom movie. I may have been alone, but I never felt lonely on the day that signifies romance. I would overhear others comparing presents and either raving about or complaining about what they received. Fights and break-ups would ensue. Some of the girls eventually tore up their heart shaped cards, threw away any uneaten chocolates and still blooming flowers, cut the hearts out of their teddy bears, and stopped wearing their necklaces. I, on the other hand, would continue to enjoy my self purchased favourite decadent treats. I would devour each individual sweet with the same enthusiasm as a child who discovered cake for the first time. Not a single exquisite chocolate from my deluxe personally acquired box would ever be wasted or need to be thrown into the waste bucket. I wondered if my valentine’s day ritual would change when I met my special someone?
My first valentine’s day with my steady boyfriend in senior high school, was met with ambivalence. I wondered how he would surprise me and he wondered what I expected. We were still getting to know one another’s likes, dislikes, expectations, and values. My initial attraction to him was his kindness that he displayed everyday, so I really didn’t have any set expectations for valentine’s day. I’m sure he surprised me with a lovely gift, but I can’t even recall what it was. What I do remember most during our high school courtship years, was writing notes to one other, that we would tape inside each other’s lockers. I couldn’t wait to finish class, so that I could read my beloved’s daily hand written note to me. What became most significant, is that after we dated for several years, we eventually married, and have now spent over 40 valentine’s days together. We often get asked what the secret is to our lasting union and I can attest that, throughout those 40 plus years of spending Valentine’s Day together, no elaborate gifts have ever been exchanged. Then how do we celebrate?
Neither my husband nor I are adept consumer gift givers. We always surprised our daughters with special Valentine’s chocolate and treats, but we both prefer shared experiences, to material gifts. Early on as a new couple, we attempted to dine out, but learned that restaurants were overpacked, overpriced, and reservations had to be made too far in advance of our spontaneous needs. When our daughters were younger, we enjoyed family activities together. As the girls got older, and it was just the two of us, our perfect date was enjoying a lovely meal at home prepared by one or both of us, sharing a fine bottle of wine, and listening to our favourite music. Of course, the night wasn’t complete without savouring our favourite Williams chocolates. Perhaps our simplistic valentine’s celebrations may be considered too practical to other people’s grandiose romantic visions and fantasies?
After all, consumerism is at its peak during these special occasion holidays. Shops and Stores market and display their valentine merchandise the same day in December that they are removing their Christmas items. We all know that special occasion merchandise sells. People feel forced to buy a gift just in order to adhere to societal expectations. I think that is one of the reasons why Thanksgiving is the preferred holiday for many, because there are no expectations for gifts. Families gather around the dinner table for the sole purpose of expressing their gratitude and love. What then is the true purpose of Valentine’s Day?
Valentine’s greetings have been exchanged as far back as the Middle Ages. Historically, poems and letters were written and shared with loved ones, prior to the invention of ready-made cards. Today, it is estimated that 145 million cards are purchased in America. Personally, my most cherished gifts from my husband and daughters are their handwritten notes, letters, and cards that they have personally written to me on many occasions. My bedside table drawer is overflowing with these sacred treasures, that I have kept over numerous years. I even still have a couple of our high school locker notes. Why then is Valentine’s Day marketed specifically for couples?
Love is experienced in many different ways, and certainly not just in a romantic sense. What if you don’t have a significant other? Should you be prohibited from receiving affection? My biggest issue with the importance placed on the once-a-year romantically marketed celebration, is understanding why kindness and love should only be honored and followed on a single day. Is it ok to stop being nice and acting warmly to one another after the flowers have wilted and the expensive jewellery is out worn?
What I have come to learn and understand, is that kindness and love must be demonstrated to one another every day, through genuine words, actions, and quality time spent together. Only then can it be shared in abundance. It is my belief that we shouldn’t be restricted to celebrating only with a significant other and just one day a year. Love is meant to be shared with everyone, every day. The giving and receiving of love, including to ourselves, is our most important universal life lesson. Who else is in in favour of celebrating Valentine’s Every Day?
