Still Evolving

I was playing pickleball on a cruise and happened to meet a woman with the same name as mine. We were assigned partners on the court, and affectionately referred to our newly formed team as the Double D’s. Denise was newer to the game than me, but she picked up the sport very quickly, and we held our own against the more seasoned opponents that we were playing. While on break, we did the usual cordial introductions, of asking each other where we were from, why we were cruising, how long we had played pickleball, and other basic social chatter.

I have to admit that I am just average at small talk, and that is only because I am inquisitive and curious by nature, and I like asking questions and finding out about other people’s lives. I try to make every effort to remember all the biographical information that anyone takes the time to reveal to me, but I sometimes forget details and do not ever want to appear uninterested. One of the reasons I do not enjoy social chatter is because I do not really like repeating where I live, what I do for a living, and all the other basic factual data that most people forget anyway, or do not really listen to and retain in the first place. I vividly remember telling many fellow passengers on that same cruise, that I am from Canada, and yet they still asked me where I was from, when bumping into me for the second, third, and even fourth time. And they were not inebriated all of those times. Perhaps they, too, just do not enjoy basic social banter.

Many would label me as an introvert, because of my dislike of chitchat. However, I do like asking questions and finding out about others, so I like to describe myself as an ambivert. I am extremely comfortable being alone and deep in thought, and I am also comfortable being curious and probing, and finding out about how others think, how they have evolved, and who they really are.

What I genuinely love are deep conversations. I honestly believe that I am still learning, growing, and evolving and I credit much of my continued growth to many of those valued deep discussions that I have been fortunate to have with people that I truly admire and respect. It is not as easy to find others who share my love of going deep and are interested in engaging in profound discussions (politics is always excluded). We all have our own opinions and beliefs, and may not always agree, but I can attest that we will always learn something new by hearing a different perspective on any topic and by unravelling a new discovery about someone else.

If you love to go deep like me, I have a secret to share with you that may help you to determine whether you have found the right companion. I have two criteria that determines for me whether someone else is a lover of thoughtful talk. During basic chatter, they must demonstrate to me that they are interested in what I am saying and they must also demonstrate that they are interesting for me to want to probe further to learn more about their life. Assessing whether someone is both interested and interesting, can be determined as you start sharing stories about your lives. If the conversation is one way only, and you are not invited to share your story, then stick with basic banter, or simply politely end the talk.

Mutually sharing our stories is precisely how Denise, my pickleball partner on the ship, and I progressed from small talk to digging deeper and learning more significant details about each other’s lives. It did not take long for me to discover that Denise grew up with a very loving and stable family and yet chose difficult partners whereby her marriages did not last. I shared with her my story of growing up with a very dysfunctional family and yet I chose a very stable partner who I am still married to today. We laughed about our respective life lessons and the timing that those lessons were revealed to us along our individual paths. We were able to laugh and acknowledge our lessons because we also discovered that we shared a similar spiritual faith.

When Denise learned that some of my story is documented in my book, Evolving, she asked if I was still writing. I had to confess that I had not written in an exceptionally long time, and, truthfully, had not really felt motivated because I did not know what I wanted to write about. Denise, as well as my friend Janet, who knows me very well because of our long history and our many profound discussions throughout the years, both suggested that my next topic or book should be titled Still Evolving.

So, this is my first addition to my Joyful Life Blog, after a very lengthy hiatus. I plan to share with you, stories of my journey and how I am Still Evolving, that I hope will resonate with you. We are all on our own journeys of enlightenment, with many universal life lessons that are revealed to us along our individual paths. I believe it is the sharing of our truths and stories that unites and heals us and helps us to continue to evolve and become our best selves.